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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

It is a change for life..... There will be no escape.

There is no doubt that an affair will change you for life. This is coming from someone who had an affair!

Those that have been embroiled in an affair will no doubt agree. If they do not I would like to know why?

But how has it changed me?

There are many good aspects to the change and we often want to announce these changes rather than the tough ones. The ones that we battle with daily, weekly, monthly etc.

What are these changes that you battle with, I hear you cry!

Again, I take nothing away from the betrayed person who also has extreme difficulty in coping with the shift in mental patterns.

But I am here today to warn people about the after affects of an affair. You may think that an affair will be exciting and passionate etc. You are right at the time it was. But let us not forget the trauma and the long term damage we go through and project on all the people we care about. That damage is huge and it will not go away.

So what are the changes that have affected me long term?

It is hard to explain, but every day is different to what they were pre affair. Life is harder now than it used to be. Thoughts drain me and haunt me. I feel like a ghost of what I once was.

Passion and excitement seem harder to grasp. I want to escape the daily onslaught and hide. I don't want to socialise and when I do, I feel there is no substance.

I am not particularly interested in talking and would rather watch TV where my mind is taken away into a world of unreality.

Trauma can create avoidance. This is a tactic of self preservation. The mind is telling you that you have dealt with too much trauma and that you do not want any more so avoid!!


These are major shifts in my life that still affect me.

Scars of trauma.

Why is that you ask? What would make me feel this way?

Depression I hear you cry. Yes. Depression is a part of the post affair. When a person is exposed to such stress there is going to be a period of adjustment. That adjustment takes time and even years.

Although I am happy, my wonderful wife and the life we lead, phytologically I am still mending.


I never would have dreamt, how such a thing could lead to such a state of mind!


I sometimes wonder how long it will take to feel like me again. Maybe I never will.

What I wanted to say though is that just because someone had an affair does not mean they are free from mental burdens.

Yes we may have decided to peruse the affair subconsciously or not. But we also decided to stop the affair and do what is right.

So be warned those that hoover over the affair door. Think long and hard before you cross the line.

You will never be the same again and neither will all those you hurt.


https://www.artmajeur.com/en/sylvie-chauvin/artworks/9122404/lost-soul


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