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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

Recollections of the past harm and hinder healing.

I am afraid to forget.

All my wife wants to do is forget.

I keep my memories to myself.

My wife wants to know what I am thinking.

I am told that I should be 100% honest and open.

I am not willing to be totally transparent with my memories.

I am told that will hinder my relationship now.

I believe I am protecting my relationship.

I am afraid to forget!

Reality check.

Do we all share our inner most thoughts with one another? No we do not.

Should we have to share our inner most thoughts? No we should not.

Our personal thoughts are ours. There are no thought police, thank god. Reminds me of the novel 1984.

However, if our thoughts are hindering any healing, growth, or other then there is a problem and that problem should be recognised and dealt with. Not necessarily by others, but by you.

However if you need help to control you mind, I would suggest finding a good counsellor that can help you with techniques and take control. Sometimes that is needed.

We do need to take control sometimes as our thoughts can become wild and wondering.

It is hard to find the happy median for both parties. Of course the one who was betrayed will be wondering what the other is thinking.

I think we forget that a thought can be as damaging as an action. We do have to take that into consideration. But we do also have personal thoughts that we do not want to share and these thoughts go deeper than just thinking about an action and a memory.

Our personal thoughts vary and we use those thoughts to grow, to battle our inner problems and sometimes those thoughts are ours. Just ours.

We should not feel guilty for thinking. We do not always have to share.

However you should know the limits. If you are constantly thinking about another person or a particular scenario you have a problem.

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1 Comment

Unknown member
Jun 06, 2021

Hmmm.... this is not a bitter response but a view from a polar opposite.

An addiction generally speaking has a negative outcome, be that upon our health, employment, family, finances etc. and yes it could be argued that this is a similar situation in some circumstances during an affair. I also acknowledge that the fight of the addict is often continuous and difficult.

My husband has chosen to remember the addiction in this case fondly and locks those memories deeply in a vault that his wife can never access as he is the only one with the combination for the lock. Unfortunately in this case there was no messy bitter breakup and no nothing or distaste for the affair partne…

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