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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

Sex the driver?

Is sex the driver of an affair.

Sometimes yes, but is a one of sexual event an affair? You can answer that.

Sex is not always the driver of an affair. Affairs can be very complex and the motive behind them can be very subtle and maybe not even recognisable. Don't take this the wrong way one knows the difference between right and wrong but when you have to decide on doing right, it is to late and you will do wrong.

But there is more to an affair than sex. Emotional bonding, sharing and caring, having the opportunity to protect someone. To feel and relate.

All these are examples of a driver for an affair.

The clever part is being able to identify the missing parts within the relationship before the affair starts. This is a job for you both and it cannot be a one sided effort. If it is a one sided effort then it will fail. the old saying fits here and that is, it takes two to tango.

If only one of you is aware or trying, then you may become frustrated or give up.

The key here is to wake the other person up. If one of you is sleeping and allowing the relationship to crumble then that person needs a wake up call. That wake up call is not an affair!

But how do you tell someone that the relationship is not fulfilling you? that is not easy. You don't want to hurt someone by saying, if this relationship does not change I am gone!

Well let me suggest that you can say just that, in fact you may gain more respect if you turn around and say exactly that rather than finding emotional bonding, sharing and caring, having the opportunity to protect someone to feel and relate, somewhere else. If you go and have an affair because you can't say, if this relationship does not change I am gone, you will always be looked upon as a person that had an affair: A cheat, a coward, a self-centered inhuman being.

It is a struggle to tell someone that you are not happy. But it is better to tell someone that you are not happy than have an affair. Put the feelings on the table and make a stand. That is where I went wrong. I should have made a stand and explained my feelings. I didn't and I am now a affair statistic.

But I can say that sex was not the driver. Sex without a connection or without emotion is just a motion that does not fulfil.

A true connection is more fulfilling and can be a driver to better sex.

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