Carrying on from post affair grief, lets delve further into the 5 effects of an affair.
Shock! What is it and how does it affect us during and after an affair?
Shock means ‘A sudden upsetting or surprising event or experience’.
During an affair there are countless shocks. Each shock taking it’s toll on you and others.
A shock may be pleasant or nasty.
Of course when an affair commences the shock for the betrayer is pleasant. A new emotion that fills the body with overwhelming stimulation (often causing weight loss by the way).
The shock bring a new awakening. The problem is that this shock has now released the beast and the chemicals that feed that beast will need regular top ups.
So that is the pleasant side of shock. When the affair starts.
However what about the bad side? A sudden or upsetting experience.
In this scenario there are dozens of shocks that continually pound the mind and body which affect us in a deep way.
What are these shocks:
· Not being able to see the new thrill of your life.
· The threat of getting caught.
· The risks you take during an affair and all the little shocks that come with those risks.
· Your partner finding out about the affair.
· The threat that you will have to break the affair off.
But the biggest shock is when you get to crunch time. When reality checks in and slaps you several times in the face and knocks you to the ground!
What is that you ask?
The biggest shock is when you must decide what your future will be. When ultimatum turns up on your doorstep and hovers over you like a nuclear fallout. This is when shock hits you and knocks you over.
You see you must make a decision, and you know that the decision you make is going to affect and hurt people.
1. Break it off with the affair partner.
What! No. I can’t, I love them. I can’t break it off with them. Just the thought brings me to my knees. SHOCK, (a sudden upsetting or surprising event or experience).
Unless someone is a narcissist and feels nothing for no one. In this case there is no hope for the betrayed!
However, looking back we can analyst this behaviour and identify that the reasons we give are based on those chemicals in our body being produced by overwhelming emotions. The buzz if you like. So the shock, reasoning, poor decisions and more are all based on emotion.
When I had to make a decision to break off the affair I fell to my knees and wept for hours. There was nothing that could console me. However this was purely based on selfishness. I made the mess I had to fix the mess!
At that moment it was pure shock! An over whelming sense of loss. The important to know is this. Even though you are given an ultimatum which shocks you into a quivering mess you are still hooked. Of course you are or there would be no shock, right?
So the addiction is still running through your veins. So unless you have made drastic life changes to battle those addictions you will find a way to bounce back no matter how big the shock!
The real change will only come when you are absolutely ready and willing to end the affair. Of course there is still shock, loss, bereavement etc. but at that point you are in a place to fight the emotions that try to win you over.
2. Loosing what you have
Hurt my partner and leave them! How can I, how would I, what about all the family. The thought of being without them. SHOCK, (a sudden upsetting or surprising event or experience).
This is a lifeline. Still a shock but a shock that nudges some sense into the affair situation. You are together for a reason, but somehow the relationship slackened off and left a gap. Shock an affair!
But when you look at the relationship and your partner you see the good. Of course there has to be good there.
But you also see the shock that you partner is going through. Total disbelief that the one they love could do this!
When I saw the pain that came after the shock of my wife finding out about the affair, I realised that she was fighting for something good. Something we had that was lost for a while. I was shocked at her perseverance and dedication. Although she was at her wits end. I was shocked at her strength!
Shock takes its toll on everyone and shock is a consequence of an affair. Emotional shock comes from a traumatic event.