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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

Anger at ending an affair when you didn't want to.

Anger is an emotion you need to work through. For me it was the why do I have to do this. I was losing something that I didn’t want to lose. A lot of I’s in that but to be honest that is what affairs are about. Maybe stepping back and thinking about the others is a good idea as well.

Remember that once a person is in a position to either end an affair or has just ended an affair their emotions are off the scale. They need time to deal with those emotions and time to rationalise them. This is a place of difficulty.

Ending an affair can be a difficult and emotional experience, especially if you did not want the relationship to end. It is natural to feel a range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion.

It's important to recognize and validate your feelings, including your anger. However, it's also important to understand that there may be reasons why the affair had to end, even if you didn't want it to.

It may be helpful to take some time to reflect on the relationship and your feelings. Consider journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist about your emotions.

Remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to take things one day at a time. With time and effort, you can move forward and find happiness and fulfilment in other areas of your life.

How to cope with anger

Coping with anger can be a challenging and sometimes a very overwhelming experience. Here are some strategies that may be helpful in managing anger:

  1. Take a break: When you feel yourself getting angry through the thought of losing someone, take a step back from the situation and give yourself some time to cool down. This can help you to avoid saying or doing something you may regret later.

  2. Rationalise: Think about the long term goals. The actual why am I doing this? How did I get here? These question help you rationalise the anger.

  3. Identify triggers: Try to identify what situations or events tend to trigger your anger. Once you know your triggers, you can work on strategies to manage the triggers and your reactions.

  4. Communicate assertively: When you do need to address a situation that is making you angry, try to communicate in a calm and assertive manner. Use "I feel" statements to express how you feel, and try to avoid blaming or attacking others.

  5. Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings, or consider seeing a therapist to work through your anger.

  6. Practice self-care: Make time for activities that you enjoy, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends ones. Taking care of yourself can help you to feel more balanced and in control of your emotions.

Remember, managing anger is a process and takes time. With effort and dedication, you can learn to cope with your anger in healthy and constructive ways.

Who's fault is it that you have to end the affair

Determining fault in ending an affair can be a complex and nuanced issue. In many cases, both parties may bear some responsibility for the affair situation in the first place. (Not always the case)

It's important to remember that affairs typically involve deception, secrecy, and violation of trust, which can cause significant emotional harm to those involved. While it's understandable to want to assign blame, it's often more helpful to focus on taking responsibility for your own actions and working towards healing and growth. This helps adjust the anger to learning and developing.

Ultimately, it's important to focus on taking ownership of your own actions and behaviours, and working towards creating healthier and more honest relationships in the future.

No matter the difficulties, the anger and the emotion, there is hope. Many affairs end, and many couples come to the realisation that they are together for a reason.

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