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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

How To Stop An Affair!

Is it even possible to stop an affair?

Realistic expectations are a complete struggle when in the depths of an affair. You can ponder the expectations, but the affair and the addiction will keep pulling you back to the inevitable. Continuing with the affair.

Decision making is very difficult, but you have to find the strength and time to look into your situation as if you were an outsider. Peer in and see the reality from the other side were there is no glitz and glam.

What do you see? Only you can answer that. Is what you are going through actually a reality? What are the expectations. A life free from problems and difficulties or a life just the same as yours and everyone else's?

Your expectations may be tinted so be fore-warned and prepared, as you take a peek.

The truth is, you really need to look closer to home and understand who you are hurting. Stop dwelling on the fantasy and start focusing on who you are destroying.

Your partner will be going through mental and physical pain. this is no cherry topped cake but a devastating war zone that leaves deep scars.

We are talking about rejection at it's max. Imagine that!

It is way easier to get into an affair than to get out (let that sink in if you are closing in and almost at the crossing over into the affair side) Once in, god help you!

But let us pull out the real key strategic elements to ending an affair:

1. The time needs to be right.

This sounds strange, but there is a time to ending an affair and this comes naturally.

You cannot end an affair unless the person having the affair has gone through certain aspects of the journey and gets to the point of really questioning the true values of their life. We can talk about what those values are another time, but you probably understand.

If you do end an affair before the time is right, it will probably fail and the affair will restart.

So to get to the right time will take patience, and control. Particularly on the betrayed side of the fence.

For a while the affair will bring abounding emotion and joy and there will be no room for even thinking about ending the affair.

2. Talk.

You need to talk. A friend is a great source to home truths and as long as that friend is calm, calculated and truthful, you will get great information and advice.

They will be thinking of you and what you have/had and be questioning you on why you are in the position you are in.

Take heed when the speak. It may be indirect, but the truths will be there. They will nudge you and try to help you see the past, present and the future.

The past and a benchmark of good relationship. The present as a minefield of torment surrounded by delusion, and the future, what could be in the real life!

3. Counsel.

Seek a good counsellor. One that provides cognitive thinking. This is where you will be challenged and you can let your true feelings and emotions out. Once you do this the counsellor will be able to task you with scenarios that contest your thoughts and actions.

An outsider is a great source for you to vent, explain, and question without interference or interruption. However, a good counsellor will be able to challenge in the right way.

You should leave the counselling session with a slightly different mind set. one that makes you contemplate your fate.

4. The betrayed.

Last but by no means least.

Take a long look at your partner. Look into their eyes and see the pain of your actions. They are hanging on by a thread. The person that loves you unconditionally and stands by your side because they love you deeply.

They may not be perfect but no one is. Look and ponder their pain. You have caused it. You betrayed them.

If you look at them and feel absolutely nothing, you may be beyond all help, now and in the future and you may well end up very lonely and sad.

There are no quick steps and no quick resolves to ending an affair. Nevertheless it is possible and a lot of people manage to end an affair and move forward.

My challenge to you is this. Think about the emotional pain you are causing. Are you happy about that?

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