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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

Relationship suffers due to closed door.

Updated: Jun 18, 2021

Yes, we all need to earn money. We have bills to pay and we want nice things. House, cars, big TVs, phones, iPad etc. the list goes on and on.

The interesting thing is, do we compromise our relationships for nice things. Hmm maybe we do without even realising we do.

So let us go back to young, free and single. Good times. We could do what we wanted, when we wanted. That made living exciting and more accessible.

I remember when I used to date. I could or would see my girlfriend when I wanted to. There were no restrictions. I would pop some fuel in the car and off I went for a good time.

But as life moved forward the grooves begin to form. No one’s fault. It is just the motion of life.

We got married. Bought a house and went to work. This motion continued and the grooves became deeper. Then we had kids and the grooves changed a little, but they became deep as well.

Then the kids left home, So, work, paying the bills and meandering through life continued. What happened? The grooves became ruts.

Now this is interesting and this can depend on what kind of personality you are as well. My personality fights the norm. I do not like ruts. I like stability but not to be trapped. If I am in a role that is not suitable, I will make plans to change my role. Not always easy, but do-able.

Some people will not change and will continue to let the rut get so deep that the rut walls have a tendency to fall in. Smothering the person until they manage to get up and keep going, but in the same rut.

Now let me be clear this is not necessarily anyone’s fault because recognising the problem is, or can be hard to do.

This brings me back to life and the traps of life. How can a rut ruin your relationship?

Easy. Here is in a simplified version:

· Get up in the morning

· Wash/shower

· Eat or have a coffee

· Go to work via car/bike/train or other

· Work all day in a job that is mentally draining

· Travel home

· Wash/shower

· Cook and eat dinner

· Watch some TV

· Tired/emotionally and mentally drained

· Go to bed

· Repeat!

There are some elements that are trying to get into that pattern but can’t. What are they?

· Fun

· Love

· Relationship

· Bonding

· Connection

· Time spent with each other

This is when a rut becomes damaging. One of you may work in a role that has demanding hours or shifts and those hours/shifts may be impacting your relationship. Let me rephrase that. If you do not manage your working hours, your working hours will manage your relationship and by that, I mean your relationship will suffer. Maybe in an extreme way.

I guess the question is what is important to you?

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