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  • Writer's picturePaul Hopkins

Why do people stop asking?

One thing that has always puzzled me is, why people stop asking?

Maybe they feel it is intrusive, or that it just re-opens old feelings. Maybe they are just sick and tired of the whole thing, or maybe they have their own issues and we need to ask if they are OK?

there is probably a lot of reason and some of those reasons are probably deep and psychological.

However, just for the record, once an affair is over feelings and thoughts do not just disappear overnight, there were times when I really needed to talk to someone.

Maybe I needed reassurance or a good talking to!

Just someone I could open up to. I missed that and at times I really need it.

People forget that an affair is not just a quick bang and that is it, let's move on.

It is much deeper and the addiction is very, very strong. that is why so many people lose everything they have.

Do people actually realise this? I suspect not. If they did things would be different.

The problem here is when you are very low and you do need to talk to someone, who do you talk to if there is no one? Where do you go? Maybe there is nowhere to go?

If that is the case it may be a case of reflection. But the reflection has to be very focused and controlled. If you allow the mind to wander too far, the reflection process turns into reminiscing, if that happens you will only damage the healing process.

A good exercise is to look at the situation objectively. Hard to do, but helpful. Try to look into the situation and advise yourself.

If you look at it from a first-person perspective, it will be harder to find the answer, because the answers are too buried beneath emotion.

Looking in, from the outside (as if peeking over a wall) helps you see the fuller picture.

The bottom line is, sometimes you will just have to manage on your own. Sometimes there just won't be anyone asking you how you are.

That's fine. take your mind off of you, and ask them how they are?

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